My daddy, he was somewhere between God and John Wayne. ~Hank Williams, Jr.
Legend tells of a legendary warrior...
...whose skills were the stuff of legend.
That legendary guy is my dad. I’ve blogged about him before once
He is 6 foot 6 and 3/4 inches tall (that’s exactly 2 meters for those of you who understand metric)
His hand can wrap around a basket ball the way a normal person’s hand wraps around a grapefruit.
He wears a size 14 quadruple wide shoe (same as Abraham Lincoln).
My brothers used to beg him to flex his muscles–his biceps were like large cantalopes.
He doesn’t even excercise.
My Dad could eat a loaf of homemade bread and drink a gallon of milk in one sitting and not feel too full.
My Dad was taller, bigger, stronger, and smarter than all the other kids’ dads.
He could drive 19 hours without stopping across the country to take us out to the family reunion and recite all fifty states (in alphabetical order, size order, or population order, take your pick) with their capitals.
He could quote poetry he had memorized for over 2 hours without stopping.
He had over 200 scriptures memorized and could find you anything you wanted in the scriptures or tell you which apostle said it and what year he said it in.
Sometimes I felt sorry for those other kids whose dads weren’t actually the tallest, the smartest, and the strongest.
My dad used to say (when us kids were being crazy and wild or if we left his tools out laying around)
“Whaddo you think this is, a circus?”
Yes. It was a circus.
I’ve included this final quote because I think it’s funny and I’m pretty sure my dad will think it’s funny, too.
~Jimmy Piersal, on how to diaper a baby, 1968
Spread the diaper in the position of the diamond with you at bat. Then fold second base down to home and set the baby on the pitcher’s mound. Put first base and third together, bring up home plate and pin the three together. Of course, in case of rain, you gotta call the game and start all over again.