Because Twins- Part 2

29 Apr

So I think the best thing about being pregnant with twins is that when well-meaning strangers say to me 

“Wow! You are huge!  Are you sure you aren’t having twins?  You look like you are about to pop!”

I can say, “Actually I am having twins.”

I get huge with every pregnancy.  My guess is that because I’m short-waisted, the baby has nowhere to go but out.    So by the time I am 6-7 months pregnant, I get comments like the above every day from just about everyone who lays eyes on me.  Or the comment’s cousin: 

 “Wow! You are huge!  Are you due, like, tomorrow?”

I plaster a stiff smile on my face and say, ” No I actually have 8 weeks left.”

Then I inwardly cringe at the look of horror that crosses their face, clearly they are sure my skin will give way much before then, and I will explode.

 I often wonder why people think it’s okay to inform a pregnant woman that she is the most horrifyingly huge thing they’ve ever beheld.  As if maybe she hasn’t noticed that she’s put on weight?  

I always want to say “Thanks for pointing out that I look like a hippo, that really made my day.” 

There is this very nice man that goes to my church who commented on how huge I was two Decembers ago when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant with Baby Bean.  To this day, when I see him, I feel this twinge of intense dislike.  Then I remind myself what an otherwise nice human being he is.  But I’ll never really feel friendly towards him, I don’t think.   The hormones burnt my emotional reaction to his comment into my brain forevers.  Maybe my reaction was extra strong because I couldn’t tell if he was serious or trying to be funny.  He did not succeed at funny.

It’s a bad idea to insult a pregnant woman.  

I suggest you even stay away from adjectives like “majestic” because they imply largeness.  

Trust me, a woman who has put on 25-30-60 pounds in the last 8 months is not unaware of the fact.  Nor is she unaware of how uncomfortable she feels or how moving at all is difficult and sometimes painful.  Last time she was getting out of the shower and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror, she was momentarily frightened (“Dear Goodness! What is that huge pink thing?”) before she realized it was herself.  

The only comment I hate more is “Haven’t you had that baby yet?”

Hello!  Would I be here looking swollen and miserable if I had?  Saying this to a pregnant woman who is past her due date will incite murderous feelings within her breast.  I would not vouch for your safety.  Lock your doors while you sleep.  Better yet, keep that comment to yourself. 

This time around, when people comment on how huge I am, I can say

“I’m having twins, that’s why.”

And maybe I’ll feel less like its me that is huge.  Because really, it’s the babies, and I want them to be huge, healthy babies.

2 Responses to “Because Twins- Part 2”

  1. katie w April 29, 2015 at 8:53 AM #

    Yes to all of this! With Finn I didn’t go to church the day before my due date because I knew I would punch anyone that said “you haven’t had the baby yet?!” in the face. And then one of my good friends drove by a couple days later while I was out in the yard and jumped out of her car just to say “I didn’t think it was possible, but you look even bigger this week than last week!” I couldn’t believe she said that, I mean she had 4 kids herself. I think we weren’t such good friends after all 🙂
    I’m super happy you can say yes to the twin comments! Best perk of having twins, I am sure.

  2. Jill McDonald April 29, 2015 at 3:49 PM #

    Mary A. once told me how beautiful I looked when I was 8 1/2 months pregnant. In my mind, that forever secures her place as one of the Good People. I must remind myself to be a cheerleader for women in advanced pregnancy, since I know how hard it can be.
    Hello, you LOOK AMAZING! You are making people.

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