On Running

9 Sep

The Man of the House is training up for his Army PT test and is considering running a 5K.  I told him that if he ran, I would be his Juice Box Bee-yatch.  He got all confused and was like “What?”

Seriously, how can this man have been married to me for 14 years and not know about Juice Box Bee-yatches?


I may never have run a marathon or even a 5K, but I’ve seen the news shots.  And anybody who has seen pictures of marathons or videos of Iron Man Tri-athalon knows that every racer needs someone on the sidelines who is ready with water bottles or Gatorade or juice boxes and Cliff Bars or honey packets or whatever their preferred running fuel might be.  That person on the sidelines is your Juice Box Bee-yatch.  Duh.

If I ever became slightly unhinged and decided to run for “fun,” I would insist on having a Juice Box Bee-yatch.  (It goes with out saying that I would need a sparkly pink velour track suit as well.) Otherwise, where’s the reward?  I mean, sure you can brag that you ran, but there are only 2 kinds of people in this world:  normal people and people who run by choice.  (It doesn’t count if P.E. teachers, coaches, or drill sergeants make you.)

See, so I would either be bragging to someone who could totally one up me by saying something like, “Why yes, your little 5K run sounds very impressive.  Yesterday morning while I was running my ½ marathon…”

Or I would be bragging to a normal people.  When you brag to a normal people about running, they may say something like, “Wow that’s really impressive.”

But inside they are thinking, “Mental note:  this person is slightly insane and cannot be fully trusted.  EVIDENCE A: they claim to enjoy running.”

Yeah, I’d much rather be the Juice Box Bee-yatch.  I could still wear a sparkly pink velour track suit, even.

picture from: http://www.demotix.com/news/56638/london-turns-out-support-marathon-runners#media-56635


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